An Unwelcome Lodger
by justsomeone2010
Summary: Short YOI domestic drabble. Because we all know the spider-squisher in the Katsuki-Nikiforov household would NOT be Victor.


"YUURI!"

The scream cut through the St Petersburg apartment one Sunday morning, shattering Yuuri's tranquility like the mug that slipped from his fingers. The shards scattered noisily over the kitchen tiles.

Yuuri sighed.

 _What now?_

They'd only just gotten back from an early morning training session with Yakov. It had not been fun. Yuuri's jump technique had been torn to shreds and even Victor had been targeted, his choreography analysed within an inch of its life. Neither of them had been in a particularly good mood when they'd finished, Yuuri even less so now as he stared at the fragmented remains of his favourite mug.

He hopped over it as much as his stiff legs would allow. Victor was supposed to be in the shower. What could he possibly be freaking out about?

Yuuri found his husband backed up in the corner of the bathroom, shirtless and wide-eyed. A shaky finger pointed to the bathtub.

Victor's jacket was dumped on the floor next to his dropped towel and Yuuri side-stepped around them. The shower wasn't even turned on yet. At first, he wasn't quite sure what he was looking for as he peered over the rim of the tub but as soon as he saw it, he knew. He just knew. A smirk pricked at his lips and he braced his hands on his hips.

Inside the bath was the tiniest spider Yuuri had ever seen.

It was hard not to laugh - really, _really_ hard - and he pressed his lips together to hold it back. Victor didn't help as he crept up behind Yuuri, arms winding around his waist and sneaking a glance over his shoulder.

Yuuri rolled his eyes. "What the hell did you do before I moved in?"

"Makkachin."

Of course.

And Makkachin was out on a walk with Yurio.

Yuuri untangled himself from his husband's arm and fetched some tissue from across the room, scrunching it up in his fingers. He hadn't known Victor was afraid of spiders. It wasn't exactly a shock though.

He leaned over the bathtub and honed in. The spider didn't move. _Bye, little guy…_

"No, don't kill it!"

Yuuri froze.

He frowned over his shoulder. "What?"

Victor's eyes glittered, his interlocked fingers pressed over his mouth. "I don't want you to hurt it." he said. "Just ...just get rid of it."

For a moment, Yuuri just stared. Then his eye twitched. _How_? He couldn't believe he was in love with this man sometimes.

He'd always just squashed them before back in Detroit and Hasetsu. Nobody had ever had a problem with it before. Yuuri didn't really like spiders either providing they weren't too big. It was their legs. The way they wiggled. Too many of them.

He couldn't believe he was in love with this man sometimes. "What do you think Makkachin does with them…" he muttered under his breath, pocketing the tissue.

"Yo, we're back!"

Yurio's unmistakable shout called through the house along with Makkachin's soft bark and the pad of his paws bounding against the floor. With all the open doors, he found the bathroom in a second. His wet nose nuzzled the back of Yuuri's bare knees, the tips of his fur tickling the damp skin. Victor crouched down on one knee and the dog leapt into his master's arms in a heartbeat, clinging to him.

A blunt thud to the bathroom door from Yurio's sneakers announced his arrival. "What's going on?" The words slurred under his bite of Pirozhki.

"There's a monster in the tub!" Victor shrieked.

Yuuri rolled his eyes, not turning around. "It's a spider."

"I don't like it!"

"But he doesn't hate it enough to let me squish it. And I don't like the way they crawl so I don't want to touch it or back it into a cup..."

Yuuri finally turned around when the spider shifted ever so slightly in the bathtub and a shiver of disgust ran up his spine, shuddering his shoulders. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, biting down the urge to just leg it from the bathroom. He couldn't leave Victor; he was clinging to his dog, arms wrapped around Makkachin's neck and round blue eyes blinking up over his brown fur. They sparkled like a frightened child's.

The actual child amongst them had his shoulder leaned against the doorframe, gaze flickering between the two men with his lip curling. His head shook. "Bunch of babies…."

Blonde hair swung delicately around Yurio's face as he shook his head and pushed off the wall, shoulder barging into Yuuri's without a flinch. The rubber soles of his leopard print sneakers squeaked on the bathroom floor. Both Victor and Yuuri flinched at the noise, but neither said anything - especially as Yurio hooked hand around the bathtub rim and swung himself over it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Sharp blue eyes snapped to the two men and they flinched a little under the intensity. "It's the smallest thing in the world!"

Victor had traded in Makkachin for hugging Yuuri's thigh instead, shaking him as he wailed. "But I don't like it!"

Light bounced off Yuuri's glasses as he hung his head and sighed.

With a roll of his eyes and a _tsk_ , Yurio leaned over the bathtub again and cupped his hand around the little spider. It crawled back and forth for a few moments, sensing the intrusion. Yurio was patient though, inching his hand closer and closer once it had stilled. His other fingers closer behind it, narrowing the gap until - finally! - it scuttled up in his palm.

The moment Yurio straightened up, it dropped down from a thread of web. Yurio watched it dance in the air for a few moments, hovering a few inches under his hand. His eyes were surprisingly soft.

They flickered over to the quaking adults - Victor and Yuuri were further back against the wall than he remembered. _Babies,_ he couldn't help but scoff in his head. "What was it you said about not liking the way they move, Katsudon?"

All he took was one step, holding the tiny squirming creature at eye level for Yuuri. It was enough for Yuuri to look away with a shudder, face scrunching up. It was less dramatic than Victor's reaction at least - Yurio had never seen anybody move so fast; Victor suddenly ditched his husband to flatten himself against the wall across the room, eyes impossibly round and glittering. It was as a far away as he could get from the spider without leaving.

Yuuri peeked one eye open, recoiling when the spider was still there. "That's so mean, Yuri."

 _Yuri_ \- not Yurio. He liked that, liked when Yuuri called him by his actual name and not by that ridiculous nickname. It didn't mean he was going to go easy on him though.

"That's not mean." A wicked smirk curved Yurio's lips, an idea coming to him. He cupped his other hand under the spider, gathering it up gently in his palms. "Mean would be something like - _this_!"

Yurio's hands jerked out, right at Yuuri's face.

An unmanly shriek left him.

Yuuri's head ducked - hiding his wide eyes - and his hands shot to his hair, ruffling his thick black locks wildly. His back thudded against the wall and one leg came up, curling himself up into a tight ball. He could practically feel the tiny legs scuttling over him, in his hair, crawling down his face with those short, squirming limbs…another squeak left him.

The bark of laughter made him pause, squinting his eyes open. Yurio's grin was wicked. His hand was outstretched - and the spider sat there, still on his palm.

Not in Yuuri's hair.

His hands thudded back to his sides, pouting. Heat spread over his cheeks, feeling his face flame. "That's not funny."

Yurio just cackled, cradling the spider in his palm and fingers arching over it as it started to fidget. The smile on his face was way too happy. Happier than Yuuri had ever seen him. It just made his scowl deepen.

Even Victor's lips quirked in a smile across the bathroom. "It _is_ pretty funny."

Warning eyes flashed at his husband, but Victor just shrugged at Yuuri. He was relaxed now, shoulders lowered from around his ears and hip leaned back casually against the wall. Any other time, he would have looked adorable. Yuuri wasn't in the mood anymore, silently plotting revenge for his husband's lack of support.

He didn't say anything when he saw the mischievous glint in Yurio's eyes, his fingers tensing ever so slightly around the spider. He knew what was coming next.

"Ha!"

In the blink of an eye, Yurio jerked again. Only this time, it was at Victor.

He jerked his spider holding hand at the older man who leapt back with an undignified yelp, his hip rattled the radiator on the wall. Yurio just grinned at the reaction. _Priceless_. His fingers curled back at just the last moment though, snatching them - and the spider - back in a feign throw.

At least he thought he did.

Yurio blinked at the empty fingers cradled to his chest. His smile slid.

"Yu-Yu-Yuuri!"

The spider sat square between Victor's eyes.

 _Oh fuck._

For a moment, nobody moved.

Even Makkachin sat quietly at Yuuri's heels, panting softly as he watched his master cower against the wall. Victor stayed stock still, cross eyed gaze angled up to his forehead where he felt the tiny pin prick sensation against his skin. He held his breath, colour draining from his face.

Yurio jumped first.

"Get it!"

"No, no! Don't-"

"Hold still!"

"Victor!"

Yurio's fist plowed into Victor's forehead, missing the spider by half an inch. Fingers clawed at the back of his hoodie, but it wasn't enough to hold him back - not until Makkachin's paws pressed into his back and pushed him to the floor. He paused his thrashing as Makka sat on his back, trying to squirm his way out from underneath instead of just outright throwing the dog off.

Everything was a tangle of limbs as Victor fell back and Yuuri leapt forward in defence of his husband, the spider nothing compared to Yurio's fist. It was madness.

Yurio wiggled under Makkachin, fighting for his freedom.

All Yuuri cared about was keeping his hands cupped over Yurio's fists and keeping them away from Victor.

Even Victor had forgotten the spider as he fell back in an ungraceful heap in the corner, seeing stars from Yurio's blow. His half undone trousers slipped over his hips and entangled around his knees as he tried to right himself, tripping him backwards all over again.

The spider slipped away unnoticed.

Half an hour later, all three of them sat on the couch with Makkachin draped over Yuuri and Victor's laps, three mugs of steaming cocoa on the table.

Nobody touched them.

A bag of frozen peas pressed to the front of Victor's forehead, a deep-set scowl sinking further and further into his features with every passing second. He'd finally gotten his shower. It had been nowhere near as satisfying as it should have been.

Beside him, Yuuri twiddled his thumbs. His cheeks were pink and eyes low, running over and over in his head about how very different the evening could have been if only he'd manned up and just stuck the spider in a glass.

The dull sound of the tumble dryer echoed in the background. Yurio's hoodie swooshed inside, washing away Makkachin's slightly dirty pawprints from the back.

The teen sat curled up in an armchair, glaring eyes decidedly avoiding Victor and Yuuri's. His arms were folded stiffly over his chest as he waited for his hoodie to wash, refusing - _refusing! -_ to let himself feel guilty or embarrassed about what happened.

Next time, they would just let Makkachin deal with the spiders.


End file.
